As the year approaches its
end, a common phrase that comes to mind is ‘New Year Resolutions’.
Skeptics scoff readily at the futility of making resolutions that are only
to be forgotten shortly right after the post-celebration hangover. Cynics
would joke that the only resolution one should make is to stop making one.
Then again, there are the some faithful devotees who are follow through
religiously to make sure that nothing is left outstanding before the year
ends.
The act of making New Year resolutions is but a tool that enables us to
look ahead and think about how we wish live in the following year. Part of
the process involves reviewing our accomplishments and lessons learnt over
the current year, as well as bringing a proper closure to all our
unfinished businesses. Gaining closure is a crucial step that allows us to
start a new year afresh, without the burden or guilt from unmet promises
and incomplete endeavors.
However, New Year resolutions need not necessarily turn out to be a list
of ambitious goals that we hold ourselves accountable for and beating
ourselves up for not accomplishing at the end of the year. A useful
alternative is to turn our attention to what we want ‘to be’ instead of
what we want ‘to do’ or ‘to achieve’. After all, we are ‘human beings’ and
not ‘human doings’. Focusing on the core of our being, and allowing our
genuine intentions manifest into actions is a paradigm shift that makes
New Year resolutions possibly more meaningful and empowering. Most
resolutions lose relevance rapidly because they were made by looking at
what we wish to achieve on the outside, without any alignment to what we
truly want from the inside.
My New Year resolution for 2005 was simply ‘to be great’. It was
deliberately vague in that figuring out what it means to be great was part
of the journey for the year. It eventually translated into being a loving
husband, a great father and a productive human being. It is no coincidence
that the elements of greatness which I had chosen to work with reflected
some of my innermost values. I am of the opinion that human beings
essentially yearn for self-expression, and a large part of that yearning
is in the expression our one’s highest values.
So, what does it take to be great by being a loving husband, a great
father, and a productive human being? Being great does not mean
accomplishing great feats. It simply means being consistently great, no
matter what we do. The experience of being is a daily affair, one which we
are presented with countless opportunities for practice and continuous
learning. Looking back, it is not the accomplishments that matter, but the
lessons I had learnt from attempting to be great in a manner that I had so
defined.
The first lesson I had learnt is that one never really arrives at being
anything. The state of being is a transient phenomenon that changes from
moment to moment, one which is often subjected to one’s choice. The
resolve to be a loving spouse had led me to investigate what love truly
means to me. What I had found was that a fundamental requirement in loving
our spouses involves an unconditional acceptance of who they are, no
matter what they do or say and how they behave. Acceptance alone was
difficult enough. An unconditional acceptance proves to be even more
challenging. Perhaps that explains the elusive nature of the experience of
true love.
From the attempt to be a great father, I had learnt that the most
important part of fatherhood is probably our presence in our children’s
lives. Being a great father is not about being able to afford the latest
games or gadgets, sending one’s children to the best enrichment classes or
taking them to overseas for vacations. It is about being there when they
needed us, providing them with love, guidance and support as they try to
figure out how the world works.
Lastly, I discovered that the heart of being productive is about being
able to make a difference in others’ lives. It is about making a
contribution to the enhancement of the well-being of another, be it
physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or even financial.
Looking ahead, I decide to
apply what I had learn this year on next year's resolution: To be great at
being humble. I think humility opens up the mind for greater
learning.
What about you? What are you
committed to being?
Happy New Year!