Breakdowns &
Relationships
by Kenny Toh, June
2007
It's been exactly a year since I
wrote "Relationship Matters"
in June 2006. Somehow,
a spate of recent experiences had brought my attention back to the importance of
relationships.
My mum suffered a stroke
last month
that rendered her wheelchair bound, and yet today, she seemed
happier than ever before.
The doctors had warned that it is common for stroke victims to experience
some degree of depression (due to loss in mobility and physical ability) but I
think for her, nothing beats the attention and care that were pouring in from
her family members since her stroke, especially from the most important man in
her life, my dad.
My seventy-one-year-old father
is not one who expresses his emotions readily, let alone love. I have never
heard him utter the three magic words (I LOVE YOU) in my entire thirty seven
years of existence. Neither have I ever seen him walking hand-in-hand with mum
like what couples usually do.
However, watching him wheeling mum around at the park
on her new wheelchair was one of the sweetest sight I have seen as their son. He
began to pay close attention to her every move, what she says, what she eats,
what she does, etc,. I was glad to have witnessed an unprecedented extent of
love, care and concern that dad was able to show for
mum.
Call it "blessing in disguise" if
you must. I think sometimes, a major breakdown in our lives can bring about a
tremendous change in our relationships, especially with the people that matter
most to us. But let's not wait until we're hit by a major event like a
stroke, a financial crisis, or a breach of fidelity to remind us of the
importance of our loved ones. Any minor breakdown like a disagreement,
disappointment or unfulfilled promise is a potential opportunity for
strengthening our relationships with them.
J. Krishnamurti once wrote, "Our life as it is, our everyday life, is a
matter of relationship. Living is a relationship ... Unless we establish right
relationship, all our lives will be constant battle, individually as well as
collectively." Some
existential philosophers have also told us that human beings exist in
relationships. It is the the presence of another human being that makes us
human.
Unfortunately, for many people, relationship is also the greatest source of
their sufferings or unhappiness. For them, life is a constant battle with
their spouses, children, parents, friends, colleagues or bosses. Are these
conflicts really necessary? Is there a better way to enjoy our relationships
with our loved ones?
I believe the answer is "YES."
If life is a matter relationship, then wouldn't it make sense for us to seek to
understand what a relationship is really all about? As the old Chinese
saying warns, "The depth of a relationship is revealed in a crisis,"
wouldn't it be helpful to learn how to face the breakdowns in our relationships,
and turn them into opportunities for breakthroughs?
Best fishes,
Kenny, the Fisher